What We Learn from College: Part 1

College is a place to discover yourself. To learn about the world around you. About your major and eventual career. To be...sarcastic? Insulting? Learn about professors' sex lives? Or sex in general?

What kind of place is this?!

Well ANYWAY, these are a collection of quotes from my professors. Part one stars professors from my first year of college (2008-2009)

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Semester 1

Cultural Anthropology

"I don't know what offends you. It would be like a women volleyball team calling themselves the skank whores...or the menstral flows...or the skanky bitch whores...

--talking about mislabeling cultures (specifically the whole Sioux debate...)

So what are the Native Americans in Minnesota called? Anyone? Anyone? ...*silence* Bueller...Bueller...?

What can you not do with your cousin?

Marry them
Why not?
Because it's not cool.
Because it's not cool...
And you just can't
Why not? Is his wee-wee going to start blinking and sounding an alarm when he gets near your hoo-hoo?

Did anything spring from HIS vagina??

--While learning about descent

General Psychology

Hello to all our guests! We're glad you could make it for the exam...you should try coming more often.

You guys are paying to come to this class and you start packing up five minutes before class is over. Now you want extra credit for coming to a class that you paid for and never want any extra of my free time.

--on Halloween when hardly anyone showed up to class

Intro to Literature

Isn't it funny that he is described as a fox...like Fox network...Why DID they name it Fox news anyway? Anyone know why? Anyone? No? Ok then, back to discussion *starts talking again*

Speech

Do you want to introduce us to your guest?
Um...I'm Charles. I'm actually in this class, but I haven't come before.
...ooohhh...

--This is why you come to class kids.

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Semester 2

Shakespeare and British Literature

"Bloom's Anxiety of Influence is very Freudian...Some writers can get over this by "killing" their predecessor, seen as the "father" like in the Oedipus complex.

*little bit later*

T.S. Eliot wrote the Tradition and the Individual talent, contradicting this.

So basically, Eliot killed his father, Bloom, and I think they're both full of crap."

"K-n-ic-t is how they would say it. Which leads us to a Monty Python reference- The knights who say Nee"

"What the fluck?"

"I mean what the f...heck is going on with this scene???

*little later*

"It is strange. I almost said what the fuck..."

--discussing "Merchant of Venice"

"So what's the difference between a comedy and a tragedy? In a comedy everyone gets married and in a tragedy everyone dies."

"Shakespeare's comedy--Ha ha. Rape."

--discussing "Two Gentleman of Verona"

Intro to Math

"Well we have to use Captain DeMorgan again! ...Just kidding...

--On DeMorgan's Laws


"You guys are like definition ninjas. Just waiting...waiting...waiting for the right moment to strike and give the answer"

-After someone finally gave the definition he wanted...after a long silence of course.


"How many of you have done proofs before?"
*hands raise*
"How many of you enjoyed or understood them?"
*all hands go down*
"...guess what we get to do next!"